


Our Wedding Will Not Be Doomed!

by Jade_Dragoness



Series: Plan: 'Put A Ring On It' is a Go [2]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Community: schmoop_bingo, Humor, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Schmoop, written for the lulz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-03
Updated: 2012-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/396861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_Dragoness/pseuds/Jade_Dragoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Letting Tony Stark take control of the hassle of planning the wedding was a bad tactical call, and completely Clint’s fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Wedding Will Not Be Doomed!

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Brief reference to homophobia.

“Let‘s elope,” Clint begged with his hands clasped before him.

Phil looked up from the StarkTech tablet in his hands to shoot Clint an amused look.

They were sitting side by side on the couch in Phil‘s living room. They’d escaped Stark Tower because they both needed the space away just to get a moments peace from the Avengers, the SHIELD agents who kept dropping by with congratulations or to tease Phil and the small army of reporters camped outside. Even after all nine days since Clint’s spectacularly public proposal the reporters were waiting to get a glimpse or a sound bite from the either Clint or Phil --since they refused to talk-- and pounced on anyone else coming out of the skyscraper. Fortunately, the location of Phil’s apartment was still a secret from them. Mostly because Fury had sent out an agency wide memo to all agents telling them that anyone who talked about either Phil or Clint without his authorization would find themselves stuck with the worst assignment Fury‘s imagination could think up. The junior agents were so freaked out by the threat they didn’t even gossip about Agent Coulson and Hawkeye among themselves. Clint found it hilarious when he learned that piece of gossip from Agent Sitwell.

“No, seriously, let‘s grab the car, stop by city hall then get our asses to our honeymoon before the rest of them realize what we‘ve done,” Clint continued beseechingly. “Please? Then at least I won‘t have to deal with--” he shuddered and pointed at the coffee table “--this.”

Clint stared in exaggerated horror at the large mound of letters which completely covered the coffee table. The letters had begun flooding his public mailbox at SHIELD HQ nearly from the minute he’d proposed to Phil due to the various videos of Clint’s proposal which had hit the internet and not just from the news feeds. And even after all this time the entire country was still in an uproar about the prospect of seeing one of their superheroes getting married. Although the attention wasn’t always positive it seemed to mostly result in a daily mountain of correspondence from congratulations to marriage proposals to invites to threesomes and orgies to requests for invitations to the wedding. The letters had even spilled onto the carpet and they were just today’s arrivals. Clint shuddered again at the memory of the amount of letters which had shown up in the last nine days. 

He was going to die from 1,000 paper cuts at this rate since Phil ruthlessly refused to help him sort through it --something about it being his own damned fault-- and Clint _still_ wasn’t married!

“I did tell you that choosing such a public venue wasn‘t a good idea,” Phi said, not even a hint of sympathy in his voice. 

“I think every person I’ve ever met is asking for an invitation to the wedding, including criminals that I helped arrest! Who are still in prison!” Clint complained. He pointed at the stack of letters. “And that‘s not even counting the number of reporters and politicians who’re insisting they should be there.”

“Be glad at least that SHIELD is filtering out the hate mail,” Phil said sardonically. His mouth quirked up humorlessly. “And the death threats.”

Clint scowled. “Actually, those I want to see.”

“No, Clint,” Phil said at once. “We already have agents checking on the addresses.”

Clint scowled harder and tried to set the letters on fire with his glare but unfortunately his eyes didn‘t have that kind of power. Dammit. “But by tracking down those assholes I‘d at least have something to do and if I‘m really lucky: someone to shoot!” 

“No.”

Clint sulked. He wanted something to distract him. If his initial Plan ‘Marry Coulson Before He Thinks About What He’s Agreed To and Gets Cold Feet’ had stayed on schedule Clint would’ve already been hitched and on his honeymoon. But nine days into his engagement and he found himself not only _not_ married but also growing steadily more stressed out with every day which passed by without a wedding ring on Phil‘s finger. Although seeing the engagement ring on Phil’s finger made him smug. Unbearably smug, according to Natasha. 

Clint had newfound respect for the people who could go years between proposal and their weddings because the days alone were driving his out of his mind. Clint had the nagging worry that someone would come along to give Phil a better offer. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, Clint also had to deal with Tony ‘I’m a Party God’ Stark, who‘d decided to take over the planning of the entire wedding. Clint had stupid enough to agree before Phil had a chance to stop him.

“Do you want to see the newest samples of flower arrangements Stark‘s emailed us?” Phil asked, smiling at Clint‘s whimper of protest. Phil turned the screen of the tablet around so Clint could see the pictures. 

“Goddammit, he’s still trying to make everything in gold and red. I‘m not having Iron Man colors for my wedding,” Clint groaned, slapping a hand over his eyes. Tony had gone nuts with the preparations. You would have thought he was the one getting married considering his complete glee over everything. It was frightening. If Tony was ever involved in planning his own wedding the world would be explode. “You know, I expected you to be the one to turn into Bridezilla--”

“Thanks,” Phil cut in sarcastically.

“--not Tony ‘I Have No Fucking Self-Restraint’ Stark. I sure as hell didn‘t ask him to marry me. I repeat: let‘s elope. Let‘s elope now,” Clint whined pathetically. 

“And what‘s your escape plan when Natasha finds out we ran off without letting her play best man?” Phil asked, his blue eyes glinting with amusement.

Clint opened his mouth and then slowly closed it. Natasha was pretty damned enthusiastic about being Clint’s best man. She was already wrapped up in planning Clint‘s bachelor party. Clint couldn’t run off with Phil unless he got Natasha’s support otherwise she’d kill his ass stone cold dead. 

Clint groaned again and pressed his forehead against Phil’s right shoulder. Phil wrapped an arm around him and Clint took the opening to cuddle close.

“Oh hey! This is great, you‘re both here!” Tony voice cut through Clint’s low muttered complaints.

Phil stiffened. Clint looked up from Phil’s shoulder to see Tony grinning at him through a Skype window on the tablet. Phil shifted the screen so Clint could glare at Tony.

“What do you want, Stark?” Phil asked warily. 

“How do you guys feel about having your wedding in Yankee Stadium? Wait--” Stark did something off-screen. “I‘m sending you guys the first draft of the invite list! This’ll be wedding of the millennium! The stadium has just enough seats for-- Whoa! Hold on I got to take this it‘s got to be Bono for--” Stark blipped out. 

“Yankee Stadium,” Clint repeated in horror. “He just said Yankee Stadium” Okay, admittedly the idea of having his wedding there was kinda awesome but he didn’t like how much the entire thing was turning into a circus. He had enough of that in his life already, thank you very much. Clint widened his eyes pleading at Phil. “Please, please, for the love of sweet zombie Jesus let‘s elope while we still have the chance! Tony‘s losing it!”

Clint’s expression didn’t have much of an impact considering Phil’s attention was focused on the list of guests Tony had sent him. “I think it‘s already too late for Stark‘s sanity,” he said slowly. His blue eyes were narrowed which sent a spike of apprehension through Clint. That was never a good sign. “According to the list, Victor von Doom is coming to our wedding.”

“Dr. Doom? We can‘t have Doom at our wedding!” Supervillians didn’t belong anywhere near his wedding to Phil Coulson. “We‘re doomed, we‘re officially doomed,” Clint moaned. He pressed his hand to his forehead as he slumped into Phil‘s lap in a fake swoon. He peeked up at Phil. “See, that’s a perfect reason to elope because if we don’t? Everyone will be doomed.”

Phil raised his eyebrows down at him as his lips twitched up. “You‘re going to be coming up with doom related puns all night aren‘t you?”

“Yup, it‘s either that or I go find Tony and make him my new target dummy,” Clint said, with a sharp smile. “A doomed target dummy.”

“Or we can go with another plan that won‘t result in my fiancé getting thrown in jail for murder, however justified,” Phil said, as he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket. 

“There’s another reason to elope now before I do something rash! As my husband you‘ll be able to stop by the prison for conjugal visits since that’s legal in New York.” Clint fluttered his eyelashes. 

Phil stared down at him for long second. “It worries me that you know that right off the top of your head. It worries me _a lot._ ” he said slowly. Clint smirked. Then Phil shook his head and focused his attention on his phone.

Clint watched him with interest as Phil scrolled through the contacts, placed the call and held the phone to his ear. As the call rang Phil’s left hand rested on the top of Clint’s head, carding through his short hair and scratching lightly at the sensitive skin of his scalp. Clint melted and rubbed his head against his firm fingers, wishing he could purr. 

“Ms. Potts, I‘m sorry to interrupt your evening,” Phil said calmly. “But I was wonder if I could request your assistance. Yes. You‘ve heard about Yankee Stadium? I see. So you‘re already on it. I would also recommend getting the help of Steve Rogers. Yes, we can meet tomorrow at noon to pare down the invite list. Thank you, Ms. Potts.” Phil disconnected the call and returned the cell phone to his pocket.

“No wedding at Yankee Stadium?” Clint asked. 

“And no wedding full of doom,” Phil agreed, nodding. Clint snickered at the pun. 

“We could still elope.”

“Let‘s consider it Plan B if the captain and Ms. Potts are unable to reign in Stark.”

“And if they can’t? Then we make a break for it?” Clint asked.

Phil smiled slowly. “Yes, then we’ll elope. I‘ll even set up a safe house so we can ride out the fallout in safety from everyone, even Natasha.”

Clint leaned up and caught Phil’s mouth with a deep kiss. Phil’s hands slid down Clint’s back before they tightened on his ass. Clint tugged at Phil’s belt undoing the buckle and going for the buttons underneath. Clint panted happily, “Have I mentioned lately that I really appreciate your planning skills?”

“Not recently,” Phil said. The speed of his breathing went up a tick, and he licked his lips. “Although a physical demonstration is always--” Phil gasped as Clint got his hands around his hardening cock.

Clint smirked and set about showing his fiancé the depth of his appreciation. After all Phil had just saved their wedding from being doomed.

End


End file.
